


Powdersnow

by duo_simulacra



Category: Alice Nine
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Fluff, Grumpiness, M/M, Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 16:19:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10643562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duo_simulacra/pseuds/duo_simulacra
Summary: Someone wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, and has a thoroughly bad day waiting for a message that just won't come on December 24th, 2008.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted on Livejournal at "duo_simulacra" and then at "furry_couch".
> 
> Who Tora ends up with was a mystery when I first put this story up on LJ - so it is either Nao or Hiroto. Both tags have been added to the story to preserve the surprise.

He felt groggy even though the alarm was as annoying as it was piercing in sound; he almost tripped getting out of his bed because somehow he'd gotten himself tangled in the sheets and by the time he'd snatched his phone off his dresser to shut off the alarm, he was fully awake. And grumbling. He was shivering slightly, too. With a grumbled curse under his breath, he shuffled over to the foot of his bed for the bathrobe he'd left laying there the night before. He pulled it closed over his bare skin and tightened the sash around his waist, tying it as he walked through his open bedroom door towards the computer he always left turned on. It was with a deep scowl that he sat down heavily in his computer chair, turning on the monitor and waiting for it to warm up a bit; he spent a couple minutes skimming the front page of his favourite news site and then began checking his emails. He deleted all the junk and then opened one from Shou.

From: Shou  
Sent: December 24, 2008 2:04:13 AM  
To: Nao; Hiroto; Tora; Saga

_Hey guys,  
Yeah, I know, I'm up really late again—what can I say? I write better at this time of night. Or… morning, actually. Whatever. So, the live on Christmas day: everyone ready? I'm really excited; it hasn't really been that long since the last time we were on stage but still, I'm sure you all get it. No need to explain, huh? Nevertheless, tomorrow—no, wait, today, I mean—is our day off so I guess I won't see any of you until the day of the live. Stop cracking up, Hiroto-kun, I'm not being clingy (I know you laughed at that part, I just know it). The fact is that, I just wanted to remind you all to have a good day today and be in good spirits for tomorrow. That's all, really. Hiroto-kun, have a good time with your family and a safe trip there and back. No, it's not a long trip, but I thought I should say it. And, Nao-kun, have a safe trip, too; it's unfortunate that today you have to go so far for a photoshoot and an interview but… please, try to enjoy it, anyway!_

He paused to grumble and scroll down.

_I have no idea what you're doing, Tora-shi, but I guess that's because you'll just be taking it easy today and… well, I don't know, actually. Stop being so damn mysterious! Kidding. Anyway… well, Sagacchi, you'll be with me so I'll see you tomorrow morning—I mean, this morning. Have a good day everyone!  
Shou_

He huffed slightly in annoyance, deleting the letter; he ignored the rest, which were all business-related. He didn't really feel like looking at them. The person he'd wanted a letter from most hadn't sent one, anyway. How typical. He locked his computer, turned off the monitor and got back up, rubbing his eyes irritably as he shuffled back to his room to gather underwear and a pair of pants before heading straight into the bathroom, closing the door. He took off his bathrobe and hung it a hook on the back of the door, shivering slightly at the cold air against his skin. He looked at himself in the mirror for a moment, running his fingers through his hair and smiling widely at his reflection just to check his teeth and the way his expression looked. He shrugged and turned around, stopping in front of the shower. He was forgetting something…

Sighing in annoyance and pressing the tips of his fingers against his forehead as he tried to remember what he was forgetting, he stared at the shower area's wall blankly. Then it came to him: there was no shower gel left. He grumbled nonsensically to himself in annoyance as he took out the plastic bottle, weighing it in his hand (he concluded it was definitely empty) and then threw it in the direction of the garbage pail next to the toilet. He missed (but he simply grumbled some more and left the bottle there). He went over to the sink cabinets in resignation, rooting around inside on the off-chance that there was some soap. All he could find were a couple bars of hotel soap he'd left laying around after getting home from their last tour. He picked one up out of the cabinet along with one of the white towels lying inside; tossing the towel onto the sink counter, he returned to the shower, body soap in hand, his mood even worse than before (the wrapping ended up in a crumpled ball somewhere near the empty bottle on the floor).

Half the time he was in the shower, he simply stood still and stared blankly at the wall, a frown on his face. Thirty five minutes later, he was blow-drying his hair quickly and then racing to his bedroom to try and find something suitable to wear; he went through about six shirts before deciding on one and even then… But if the clock was right, he was already late and he had no time to reconsider what he was wearing. Dashing to the main room and skidding on the hardwood floor over to the door in his socks, he grabbed his coat, rammed his feet into his shoes and ran out the door. Of course, as soon as he got to the elevator, he realized he’d forgotten his bag, and thus forgotten to lock his door. Cursing under his breath, he rushed back to correct his mistake.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Shou awoke and was still smiling as he yawned widely and stretched his arms out of the covers and above his head. He lifted his head slightly to look at one of his cats, napping at the foot of his bed and let his head fall back onto his pillow, contented. It wasn't often that he got to wake up according to his own schedule; simple pleasures like waking up when he wanted were the best kind. He lay still for a while, trying to remember his dream; it had been comically weird and had made no sense (though, they seldom did) but sometimes he liked to write them down for future reference. For this one, he decided he felt much too lazy to get up and find a notepad and pen. He grabbed his cellphone, which he always laid on the pillow beside him—unless Saga stayed the night, of course—and checked to see if he'd gotten any messages. He hadn't. Not surprising. Regardless, Shou was grinning at the screen as he keyed in some numbers and pressed the phone to his ear. He almost laughed as he heard a barely-awake grumble on the other end of line that must have stood for an unrecognizable _hello_.

"Did I wake you?" Shou asked, still trying to repress his laughter.

"Whadda _you_ think?" Saga mumbled, half-awake, on the other end.

"Sorry, sexy, didn't mean to," Shou replied, laughing slightly.

"Of _course_ you did…" Saga yawned absentmindedly.

"I really hoped you'd already be awake," Shou laughed, "But whatever, are you gonna come over soon or what?"

"I want to go back to sleep…" Saga mumbled.

"You're so cute when you're tired," Shou replied, chuckling slightly. "I repeat: are you gonna come over soon?"

"Is breakfast going—" Saga was cut off for a minute as he yawned. "Going to be laid out for me if I come over right now?"

"Well…" Shou murmured, "That depends on how much time you take to get here. If you're here in an hour, then yes, but if you're here earlier, I guess you'll have to help me, now, won't you?"

Saga mumbled something unintelligible on the other end and then spoke up. "Okay, I'll be there in a little while…" Saga sighed and Shou could hear his limbs shuffling against the sheets. "Anything in specific I should bring?"

"Yourself and Chiko," Shou said, "That's all, really."

"Are you sure your cats won't mind this time?" Saga asked sceptically.

Shou thought for a moment. "I can't be completely certain but the last few times it hasn't been _that_ bad," He said, maybe not entirely convinced. "It's not like they've ever fought or anything."

"That doesn't stop Chiko from being afraid of your cats," Saga replied flatly.

"I know, I know," Shou sighed, "But they have to learn to get along, right?"

"Well, as they say, third time's the charm." Saga paused. "I hope, anyway."

"I'm sure it'll turn out well," Shou said nonchalantly.

"You say that every time," Saga mumbled, sounding amused. "I'm going to get going now, so you'd better start on breakfast—that's the deal."

"I know, Sagacchi, I'm on it," Shou replied, laughing slightly. "See you in a bit."

"Bye."

Shou hung up and put his phone back on the pillow beside him, stretching his arms out again with a lazy grin. He sat up slowly, giving his legs a good stretch under the covers as he yawned again; he looked over at the cat at the foot of the bed.

"I didn't kick you in my sleep, did I?" Shou asked the cat, who looked at him but said nothing. "Good, I'm glad. Are you going to stay here or come with me?" Shou started get out of bed, shivering as he put his feet into his warm, fuzzy slippers and grabbed the blanket on top of his bed, wrapping it around his shoulders. He gave the cat a pointed look. "Come on… I'm going to feed you—c'mon." He patted his thigh insistently but the cat didn't move. Shou sighed. "I bet you'll come running when you hear me take the food out, Karin."

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Tora was putting on his boots, but even then, Chicken was sitting in front of him, watching the guitarist steadily. That cat really didn't leave him alone unless he left the apartment entirely but even then, upon his return, the cat would race to the door and be on his heels for the rest of the day. Tora was quite taken with his pet, even if he didn't really say so very often, complaining about how clingy Chicken was and how much of a scaredy-cat he could be; no matter what he said, the fact that he kept the cat around spoke louder than words.

"You can't come with me, just so you know," Tora said to his cat.

He got up and went over to the small closet beside the door to get out his winter coat, pulling it on and zipping it up. He then patted his back pockets to make sure his wallet and cellphone were on him before checking his coat pocket for his keys. Assured he had everything, he turned around to open the door. Of course, he realized right away that he needed gloves and went back to the closet to get some. Then, with a look down at Chicken, he was finally slipping out the door to do some shopping.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

He tried to keep his breathing even but he was running late and there was nothing he hated more than that. His bag was damn heavy on his shoulder, too, as he power-walked to the door of the blasted train, wondering why in the hell he had to have such bad luck on _today_ of all days. Normally, he'd be up for a train ride but all he wanted at the moment was a dark corner to curl up in where he could sleep, maybe. He was still upset that he hadn't received a letter from Tora even though there was no logical reason why the guitarist would suddenly feel the need to send him one. It was driving him crazy, all the looking in his direction, trying to catch his eye, all the jokes that he hoped Tora would laugh at (they were lame), all the excuses he found to talk to him—it was ridiculous. He felt like a high school kid with a crush.

He wandered down the aisles, finally relaxing a bit as he found his seat and slowly made himself comfortable. He rooted around in his bag but could only find his DS and two games (both beaten) and a book that he really didn't feel like reading (why was it there, anyway?) so he took out his mp3 player and stuck his oversized headphones over his ears. Closing his eyes, he turned on the device and pressed _play_. The first song was too happy for his taste so he opened his eyes and searched around for some heavier, darker music that would suit his mood; he wanted to hear nothing but angsty screaming for the rest of the time he had to sit there, on that train. Besides, the stuff reminded him of a certain black-and-purple-haired guy. Naturally.

He had tried to remember when the attraction had begun but he couldn't really figure it out; the problem was that they'd been friends for so long that he no longer knew where the friendship had ended and the crush-type-thing had begun—that was his term for it: _crush-type-thing_. He refused to give it a more dignified name for fear that it would become an even bigger problem than it already was. Everything Tora did drove him crazy—for good or for bad. Like that weird squint he did with his left eye when he was sceptical or the short, high-pitched laugh he had when he was surprised at something hilarious or even his obsession with doing impressions of others' voices—it was all completely, strangely loveable. Even his annoying habit of giving monosyllabic answers when he was distracted was somehow endearing.

All this and more made him want to bang his head sideways against the windowpane to see if it would make him sane again. He really didn’t want to turn into someone like Shou, who would spend hours if he could, just talking about Saga. It was his favourite subject in the sense that everything he talked about related, in some way, to Saga. And before Saga, it had been someone else he would blabber on about—bloody annoying. Even more so considering the fact that no one really cared to hear all these things (like Saga's "cute" tendency to mumble in his sleep) but Shou was unable to help himself, it seemed. They didn't hold it against him.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

"What do you want, girl, huh?" Shou cooed, looking down at one of his cats who was rubbing against his leg insistently and purring. It was flattering, but a tad confusing given the fact that he'd put food in all their dishes already and made sure they had fresh water. Taking his attention away from the eggs he was beating for a moment (Saga was very fond of omelettes), he bent down slightly to give the troublesome cat a stern look but found that she trotted away from him slightly with her tail raised. With a sigh, trying to hide his amused smile, he followed her until she stopped near a kitchen chair and laid down, stretching onto her back and exposing her belly. "Oh, so _that's_ what you want, Chirori," He remarked, trying not to laugh as he knelt down. "I should have guessed all the fuss was over wanting a morning belly-rub."

Belly-rubbing, behind-the-ears-scratching, chin-rubbing and back-petting were just some of the cat's favourite things; it was relaxing for Shou, too, who loved the feel of her soft fur and the tingling sensation of her purring against his palm. He wasn't sure how long he'd knelt there, just petting the cat, but he was sure that it had been a while because he'd started losing feeling in his feet from sitting on them. Chirori was most definitely a happy camper though, because she didn't move when he stood up and moved back to the counter—he could still hear her purring, too. He washed his hands quickly and went back to his egg-whisking, wondering when Saga would show up. He didn't want to start cooking anything until he arrived because it would be better if it was still hot when they sat down to eat.

"Are you gonna be nice to Chiko this time?" Shou asked. Chirori kept purring loudly. "Is that a promise of good behaviour or mischief?" Shou looked over his shoulder, amused when the cat simply closed her eyes in contentment. "I'll have you know that if I want to seal the deal with this boy, I'm going to have to win over Chiko, too." Shou walked over to the fridge. "You know that, right?" He glanced at the cat, who was pretending to be asleep. "Saga's always nice to you—don't you forget that, missy."

Shou silently praised himself for his idea to pick up ingredients for omelettes the night before on his way home; it was nice to not have to go out grocery shopping so early in the morning. He could be a bit picky sometimes but he never had to worry when it came to Saga—the man would eat just about anything that got put in an omelette, within reason, of course. He chopped a green and then an orange pepper in half, putting half of each in a container to go back in the fridge; the other halves would be cut up into smaller pieces to go into the omelette they'd share. And so he began cutting the peppers, humming something under his breath (he was making it up as he went along), shoving everything he'd minced into a corner of the cutting board every now and again so that the pepper's juices were smeared everywhere. Keeping his workplace clean in the kitchen had never really been his forte.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Tora pushed the door to the shop open and went inside; there were towers and stacks of books every which-way, not to mention knick-knacks here and there along the shelves that were already bursting with trinkets and books. The shopkeeper greeted him as he came inside and he nodded politely in acknowledgement as he slipped between two large rows of bookshelves to see if there was anything of interest. The store was a strange one and had all sorts of unexpected things from old, pawned items, to new things that were stuck in with the old—there was manga and there were comic books in English (who knew why _those_ were there) and there were books in other languages too, but Tora wasn’t really sure which languages they were, exactly. He wasn't even certain why he had wandered in in the first place and knew only that he wanted to find something very specific… the trouble was, he didn’t really know what the something was, only that it had to be impressive.

He picked up a rather ornate book that was laying on top of some others, crammed tightly onto one of the dustier-looking shelves and read the cover. _Kama Sutra_. Not _quite_ what he’d had in mind. He flipped through the pages for a moment with a raised eyebrow and then put it back where he'd found it; it wasn’t even in Japanese, anyway. Ironic that it was atop some rather cheesy-looking bodice rippers. Tora moved on.

He was looking at some do-it-yourself books when his phone vibrated in his back pocket. He ignored it for the moment, as he was skimming through a rather amusing book with all sorts of suggestions on the sorts of crafts children might like to make on a rainy day—he rather liked the idea of gluing macaroni onto a picture frame. Though, he seriously doubted that he would have had a good enough attention span to do a craft like that as a kid without running off after the first few dozen pieces had been glued on. Privately, he felt the writers of the book probably didn’t have kids or couldn’t remember being one. He refused to consider the option that he had been hyperactive. He put down the book with a small chuckle to check his phone. He realized that he'd not missed a call but a message and pressed a button to view it.

**Hiroto**  
12/2008 9:34 AM  
_I'm on the train right now; what're you up to? Shopping?  
Too bad I couldn’t do that and visit family today._

Tora didn't really like sending text messages much because his fingers always cramped up writing long messages (if he sent ones too short people were offended and thought them snippy). He opted to call the other guitarist back, instead; as soon as he'd keyed in numbers, he put the phone to his ear, intending to wander around the shop just a few minutes longer before leaving.

  



	2. Chapter 2

"Oh, Tora-kun," Hiroto's voice said, "I didn't expect you to call."

"You know I hate texting—stupid keypad."

Hiroto laughed. "Right." He paused. "So how's it going?"

"The Christmas shopping?" Tora asked. "That… is not going so well. Metropolis, my ass. There's nothing in this place that's suitable."

Another laugh. "You're probably taking it too seriously, then. Just relax your standards a little—who're you buying for, anyway?"

"Well, a few people, including my parents," He replied, sounding thoughtful. "But they _always_ give me this much trouble."

"Well I've never met them so I wouldn't know to offer suggestions, I guess," Hiroto replied sheepishly. "Too bad I'm not actually there—Shopping is always easier when there are two people looking around."

"Not with my sister, is isn't," Tora said matter-of-factly. "She's hard to shop _with_ but easy to shop _for_. I always just write her a cheque and tell her to spend it on clothes."

"Yeah," Hiroto said laughing slightly, "That sounds like it would do the trick, all right."

"She such a slave to fashion trends, that one…"

"And just look who's talking," Hiroto teased.

"I _may_ be a slave to fashion," Tora said with considerable dignity, "But I am not a slave to _trends_. There's a difference."

"Technicalities, technicalities…" Hiroto replied with a certain amount of satisfaction.

Tora nodded at the shopkeeper as he left, a bit disappointed he hadn't found anything; as he stepped onto the sidewalk, he fell into step with other last-minute shoppers and people going who-knows-where. Hiroto sighed slightly. "I hate train rides."

"Play a game to pass the time," Tora suggested, shrugging as he looked around for a different store to browse.

"I just wish I wasn't going alone, that's all," Hiroto said. "I like having someone to talk to when I'm travelling—it makes everything much more comfortable, don't you think?"

"I don't really care either way, Hiroto-kun," Tora said truthfully, amused, "I just play a game and forget I'm even on a train at all."

"I should have forced you to come with me," Hiroto teased.

"I don’t think I'd fit in your bag," Tora replied dryly, stepping into another store.

"Not as a stowaway, genius," Hiroto said, trying to suppress a laugh, "I mean I should have forced you to come with me—we could have done all your shopping in my parents' hometown and you could have met my family and all that jazz. Does that not sound fun?"

" _Not_ exactly,” Tora replied, chuckling. "But maybe I would have said okay if you'd mentioned this earlier… I'm really getting nowhere on my own, here."

"Try electronics stores," Hiroto suggested, "That's where I always go when I can't think of what to get someone as a gift."

Tora sighed heavily.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

He got off the train impatiently (though he let an old woman pass in front of him first) and decided to walk the rest of the way to the house even though it was quite nippy outside and he was only wearing a rather thin coat without gloves. He sort of felt like people kept staring at him the entire time but told himself it was because of the fact he was wearing sunglasses on a winter day—surely it had nothing to do with the scowl on his face. He glanced at the time on his cellphone every couple minutes because he’d forgotten to put on a watch but still, it did nothing to calm him. A few more twists and turns along the sidewalk and he'd be flooded with people saying hello to him and he’d have to put on a face and pretend that he was completely, totally okay. Cameras would be met with smiles, questions would be answered with typical boyish charm and people would be greeted with cheer. He could see the door up ahead.

" _It’s just for today,_ " He sighed mentally, " _Just get it over with and then you can go home and tomorrow—tomorrow there's a live. That's something to be thankful for, right?_ "

He continued toward the door of the house and sighed, wondering if he should knock or if it would be more appropriate to ring the bell. Once he was on the doorstep, he checked his phone again, sighing at the fact that there were no missed calls or messages. He rang the doorbell and tried to arrange his features into a pleasant expression.

A moment later, a woman holding a clipboard answered the door. "Oh, good," She smiled, looking relieved, "We were starting to get worried you wouldn’t show up or that you wouldn’t be able to find the place."

"Terribly sorry to keep you waiting," He laughed lightly, "I'm all in one piece, though!"

"Well I'm sorry to be so brisk, Nao-san," She said, "But you really need to go get your hair and makeup done right now—and you need to get dressed, too. I'm not sure how much later you'll have to stay today because of this, but I hope we won’t have to take up too much of your time."

"Oh, please, it's no trouble," Nao replied pleasantly, "I was the one who was late in the first place. I'll go on and get my hair done, now."

As soon as she'd shown him over to the makeup artist and stylist, he sat down and heaved a sigh, trying to relax and forget about the morning. He left his cellphone in his pocket, though, hoping that he'd get a call or a text message. Or anything, really.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Shou was taking pictures of Kuro when his cellphone rang; he jumped slightly in surprise (laughing at Kuro who did the same) and answered it.

"I'm here," Saga said, "Are you going to let me in?"

"How abrupt," Shou teased, "You think I should, with a tone like that?"

"I'm sorry, but it's really cold down here," Saga laughed in surprise before his voice took on a different tone. "I _promise_ I'll be nicer if you let me in…"

Shou laughed. "You're too cute. Just a second." Shou pressed a button near his door to open the door all the way downstairs. "Okay, well, see you." He turned off the phone, wondering why Saga always called him instead of using the intercom.

"No matter," He said, going back over to his black cat who was still sprawled out on the couch, belly in the air, "These things just make him cuter. Don't you think, Kuro?" Shou chuckled lightly to himself as the cat yawned. "Just hold that pose so I can take a picture—you enjoy this attention a little too much, don't you?" Shou took another picture. "Just like me, you are…"

There was a knock at the door but Shou didn’t get up. "It's unlocked!" He hoped Saga could hear him but then, the walls weren’t that thick. The door opened and Saga stepped inside awkwardly, tugging a bit on Chiko's leash as he tried not to drop the two mugs of coffee he was holding; Shou got up, pocketing his phone with a grin. "Took you long enough!"

"I'm _sorry_ I was nice enough to stop and get coffee," Saga said, rolling his eyes and trying to hide his teasing expression. "Is breakfast ready?"

"How typical," Shou sighed in mock-exasperation. "Take off your shoes first and then I'll see about answering your question."

"Well I _can't_ with the coffee still in my hands!" Saga said, trying not to laugh at the absurdity of Shou's request. "If we're lucky it'll still be hot—I got it just a block away so it shouldn't have gone too cold from the walk here."

"You _did_ get something I like, right?" Shou asked, sceptically, taking the mugs from Saga's hands and placing them on his coffee table, nearby. "Not that bitter stuff—"

"It's _good_ ," The bassist insisted earnestly before giving up at the look of blatant disbelief on Shou's face. "Of course I got what you like! Extra sugar and all that…"

"How _sweet_ of you," Shou said, smiling mischievously; Saga screwed up his nose in disgust at the pun and made Shou laugh. While Saga sat down to take off his boots, Shou went over to the dog, unclasping the leash from his collar and patting his head reassuringly. "You know, you're the first dog I've ever actually _liked_ ," Shou said, scratching lightly behind Chiko's ears. "I think it's because you're smart enough to know that cats can be scary." Shou started laughing uncontrollably as Saga cuffed him affectionately at the nape of his neck.

"I wish you were smart enough to know that Chiko can't understand you," Saga said teasingly.

"Oh, how cold…" Shou trailed off dramatically.

"You know I don't mean it," Saga said coyly, "And look: my boots are off. Now, how about breakfast?"

"Everything is ready to be fried up on the stove," Shou replied, looking exceptionally cheery despite how early it was. "I didn't want to make everything and then have it be stone cold by the time you got here, after all." The both of them got up, Saga looking a bit disappointed at the news that breakfast wasn't ready. "Don't give me that look, Saga, you can just sit and wait—I'll take care of everything." Saga gave him a disbelieving look, trying not to smile as he went to pick up the two mugs of coffee. He came back over to Shou, still wearing his sceptical expression. "No, no, I'm serious," Shou assured him, putting his arm lazily around the bassist's shoulder. "You just sit down and wait, gorgeous." Saga smiled at that, his smile becoming more pronounced when Shou kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"It would be faster if I helped, though, wouldn't it…" Saga replied thoughtfully.

"Of course it would be," Shou said, looking amused; Saga's expression turned to one of suspicion.

"That was your plan all along, wasn't it?" Saga asked, trying his best to look highly offended as he continued walking with the vocalist toward the stove. Shou nodded mutely, trying hard not to smirk. "I'm not sure if I should go along with it because I'm hungry or take up your offer to relax, just to annoy you."

"I wouldn't be annoyed if you decided to sit and wait," Shou said truthfully, looking even more amused than ever. "Though, if you want to stay and distract me, then, by all means…"

"How about we leave the distractions until _after_ breakfast," Saga suggested, raising his eyebrow at the vocalist before putting Shou's coffee on the counter and taking a sip of his own. Shou went to get everything he needed from the fridge while Saga leaned sideways against the counter, still sipping his drink. "You know," Saga started, when Shou placed everything down beside him, "It would b—"

Shou didn't let him finish his sentence; the vocalist caught him by surprise with a somewhat messy kiss to the lips (Saga didn't protest) and all suggestions and duties were forgotten for a moment as Shou threaded the fingers on his right hand through Saga's hair, smiling playfully into the mellow kisses. Saga, of course, was smiling back and chuckling faintly in the back of his throat at the unexpected assault, holding his coffee safely out of the way. Then, Shou stopped and licked Saga's top lip lightly with a mischievous expression before it turned into one of comical disgust. "That coffee you like is seriously disgusting."

Saga’s mouth opened slightly with surprise and a touch of offence and Shou grinned again, looking like he was trying not to laugh. "Only teasing, gorgeous. You're delicious."

\- - - - - - - - - - -

The photographer had just begun moving all his equipment into another room as Nao heard his phone vibrating against a nearby table; he had exercise a great deal of willpower not to literally pounce on it. He snatched the phone off the table once he was near and answered the call without even checking who it was first. "Hello?" He asked, feeling hopeful.

"Hey, Nao-kun, how's it going?" A cheerful voice answered, "I hope they fed you over there! Saga and I just finished breakfast, ourselves, and—"

"Oh," Nao said, cutting him off rather irritably. "It's just you."

"Well _sorry_ for being my incredible self," Shou apologized mockingly, sounding amused rather than offended—Nao thought he heard Saga laugh in the background. "What's with this dangerous mood of yours?"

"Nothing, nothing," Nao said, taking a deep breath and lightening his tone. "I'm fine—just a bit tired from waking up so early and, you know—having to come all the way out here today."

"Normally I would listen to your complaining happily (Nao almost cracked a smile at Shou's teasing) but I called for a reason," Shou said, "And besides, Saga's here all day and, well, anyway—no details, I know." He laughed. "Anyway, you were the last person I watched any Gundam SEED with and I can't, for the life of me, remember where the hell I put my DVDs so…"

Nao shook his head in disbelief. "All I remember is you putting them in the big cupboard next to your TV—maybe near the top?" Nao paused, trying to think. "It was a while ago, so I dunno."

"No, it's fine, I'll take a—no, wait, Saga found 'em," Shou said, sounding pleased, "Thanks!" Shou said goodbye and Nao and hung up. Nao pocketed his phone, bringing it into the adjacent room with him where the photographer and a handful of the other staff were arranging various things in the room. He walked over to a relatively quiet corner of the room and tossed his phone onto a sofa there, sitting down; it really did seem as though it was going to be one hell of a long day.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

It wasn't very imaginative of him, but Tora had decided to get movies for his father—it was something he liked and something he was always happy to receive even if it wasn't all that well-thought-out in the first place. The trouble was, Tora had no idea what movies his father already had, much less which ones he'd like and he couldn't very well just call up the old man and ask him. It would probably be more trouble than it was worth but he'd resolved to call his sister and ask for a bit of advice—she was still living near their parents so he figured she'd be able to help. With a deep breath, he dialled her cellphone number and placed the speaker to his ear, waiting for someone to pick up the phone. A male voice answered.

"Who're you?" Tora asked suspiciously. "Is this Eriko’s phone?"

"Yeah, this is Eriko's boyfriend—just _who_ are you?" The man asked just as suspiciously.

"Her older brother," Tora said rather coldly. "And if you hurt her, I'll castrate you, understood? Now get her on the phone." The man said nothing other than letting out an indignant huff of air and Tora heard some shuffling before—"Tora, why the hell'd you have to say that to him?" Eriko asked indignantly, "I'm twenty-four and more than capable of making my own threats. God!"

"Yeah, and I'm still older than you, so there," Tora replied back with an air of superiority. "I think I should meet this guy of yours and make sure he's—"

"Oh, what _ever_ …" She huffed (he could almost hear the eye-roll in her voice). "Do you have a point in calling me? I'm kind of on my lunch-break right now and I sort of wanted to enjoy it with—"

"Yes, your boyfriend, what's-his-face," Tora said impatiently, "I don't have time right now—I'm doing Christmas shopping and I need your opinion on a couple things. Like what movies dad'd like."

"How should I know _that_?" She asked, her voice full of mirth. "You'd have to ask mom, not me! I dunno—just get him some really new movies. You know what kind he usually goes for, so…"

" _Thanks_ ," Tora said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "You're _so_ helpful."

"Hey, I can't give better help without better information, now, can I?" She asked airily. "Anything else, or can I get back to eating?"

Tora was silent for a moment, scowling slightly at the thought of having to ask his little sister such a question, but… "What do you usually get your boyfriends as a present?"

"Well, hey now!" She laughed, "Don't make it seem like I ever have more than one at once!"

"Didn't mean to…" Tora chuckled lightly. "Anyway, I’m just… out of ideas. I want to get someone something but I have no idea what to get him."

"If you were a little less cryptic—"

"I'm not telling you!"

"Oh, fine," Eriko laughed. "You're a handful, brother. It depends on the guy, but I'd say… it has to be personal if you really like him. Try to be creative in what you pick—maybe something that has to do with some experience you both had or some inside joke you share…" She paused thoughtfully. "Yeah, something like that." She paused again and this time her voice was teasing. "Are you going to tell me who he is when you visit for New Year's?"

"If all goes well, I'll _bring_ him," Tora laughed a little nervously. "And your advice really doesn't help much, just so you know."

"Well, you're _welcome_ , then," She said in mock-offence before her tone brightened a bit. "I hope you find something good, anyway. And don't forget my present!"

  



	3. Chapter 3

"Hey baby, don't you dare fall asleep on me!" Shou said, trying to sound indignant even though he was starting to laugh. Saga blinked slowly and then yawned, stretching his arms up and grazing Shou's left ear with the sleeve of his shirt. Saga smiled slightly in contentment and mumbled something unintelligible as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned further sideways into Shou's, kissing the vocalist lightly on the cheek. Shou leaned into his lips. "Am I boring you?"

Saga chuckled softly, shaking his head with a smile.

"Wanna go lie in my bed for a while, then?" Shou asked, winding his fingers casually through the tips of Saga's hair. "If you want to take a nap, or doze for a while, I'll just read. Or, actually, I'll play a game."

"I'm too comfortable right here," Saga mumbled, nuzzling Shou's neck; the vocalist continued to play with the ends of the bassist's mane absentmindedly. Shou noticed Chiko trotting up to the couch but his expression became troubled when he realized that the dog intended to jump up and lay down beside Saga’s crossed legs. Before Shou could figure out a way to prevent this, Chiko claimed the rest of the couch, his paws sinking into the navy blue material slightly. Saga, surprised, opened his eyes. "Come here, boy…" Saga patted his thigh lazily and closed his eyes when Chiko laid his head across his lap.

"Saga, _baby_ ," Shou said, trying to keep his tone light, "Erm, I'm not so sure that he should be on the couch, y'know…?" Saga kissed him lightly on the neck. "What if he leaves nail-marks or something?"

"He's well-trained," Saga murmured, smiling slightly. "Just relax. He's not going to do any more damage than your cats would."

"I guess…" Shou replied reluctantly. "Do you… want me to change the channel or something?"

"No, watch whatever you want," Saga said softly. "I just came here to be with you."

"If you say so, baby," Shou murmured, a wide smile stretching over his features. He let his cheek rest against the top of Saga's head and squeezed his boyfriend's shoulder affectionately.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Tora, looking through cameras, felt completely out of his depth. He'd been carrying around a bag with a couple DVDs in it for the past forty five minutes or so and was more or less happy to have taken care of two people on his list already (he always gave his sister money so he didn't have to worry about finding her anything) but he was having absolutely no luck with anyone else. The year before, he'd given his mother a pendant—he wanted to do something different. Everyone else was accounted for except his mother and that one other person that he just didn't know what to get for.

He wondered why he was even looking through cameras; his mother had one already and so did almost everyone else he knew, even if it was just on their cellphone. He sighed. Back to square one. He hadn't even eaten lunch—the shopping trip was demoralizing and wearing him down to the bone. He decided he would go find a place to eat before continuing his trek through the streets and so, leaving the shop he was in, he took out his phone a selected a contact from his list. As the rings went through, he put the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" Hiroto said, a little out of breath. "Hey, this had better be important—I'm balls-deep in a fighting tournament with my brothers, so…"

" _That's_ what you went home to do?" Tora chuckled, on the lookout for a fast food place. "I thought you'd be playing a nice, wholesome board game or talking or something."

Hiroto sniggered slightly. "Right, okay there. We'll do some talking over dinner when my folks get home from work, but that's about it—I came for the games; maybe some of my old buddies'll even come over for a while later."

"Well if you had've said you'd just be playing games the entire time and meeting up with old friends, I would have definitely come with you," Tora said, sounding comically exasperated. "It would have been better than this frustration!"

"Who says I'd want you to come with me?" Hiroto said, a bit teasingly. "Maybe I wanted to get away from my insane bandmates for a while—ever consider that?"

"Actually, that had never crossed my mind," Tora replied, sounding a bit haughty. "And you're not so sane, yourself."

"I can't argue with that," Hiroto said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, well, anyway," Tora said, shaking his head as if to come back to his original intention for calling, "I needed to ask you about something because I'm losing my patience."

"Okay, shoot," Hiroto said, "But make it quick 'cause that game is on pause and I want to get back to it."

"Okay, got it," Tora said, sidestepping a couple on the sidewalk. "I'll make this as precise as possible: I'm getting a present for this, um, guy, but I really don't know what to get him. I've been wandering around in electronics stores since I called you last and I got my old man a present, but…"

"Does he like video games?" Hiroto asked (Tora raised his eyebrow, thinking he heard the sound of a slap and then someone cackling).

"Well… yeah," Tora said, as though it were a no-brainer.

"Get him a video game, then," Hiroto said, sounding amused.

"But…" Tora sighed. "I don’t want to get that; it's so… unoriginal."

"Unoriginal or not," Hiroto said reasonably, "Games are fun."

"Yeah…" Tora said, sighing again. "I guess…"

"You wanted my advice, didn't you?" Hiroto asked, laughing slightly. When Tora didn't seem to lighten up, Hiroto's tone became a bit more sympathetic. "Okay, well, how about some kickass accessories? I know, I know, giving another guy jewellery or something is weird but it's not that bad." Hiroto laughed. "Beyond that, all that my mind comes up with are electronics. I guess I'm not all that imaginative, myself."

"Nah," Tora said, "This has helped somewhat." He brightened a little when he saw a place to eat up ahead. "And now I'm gonna eat lunch before continuing this frustrating shopping trip—maybe I'll call you again later."

"Hopefully not when I'm in the middle of a game," Hiroto added without bite.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Nao posed on a rather hard, uncomfortable leather couch and looked off to the other end of the thing, trying to keep his expression hard. It kept slipping into one that felt more wistful, though, and he realized that it was entirely because he kept imagining Tora sitting next to him, his expression darkly teasing. And of course, it went further than that when he imagined the guitarist leaning forward a bit, still with that almost-smirk—he couldn’t help thinking of what it would be like to kiss Tora. It was something he fantasized about all the goddamn time and he was sick of it. The imaginary Tora leaning towards him would breathe in ever so slightly and then brush his lips against Nao's—and then he would press harder, his presence heavy enough to deepen the kiss. Nao parted his lips slightly and another picture was taken, the photographer sounding pleased.

"Now look over at the camera," He said encouragingly.

Nao looked over and his tried to imagine Tora sitting in a chair where the camera was; the guitarist in his thoughts was silent today and just gazing at him with unbridled lust (he was the Tora of Nao's imagination, after all). Nao didn't really like fantasizing about him in such a way, usually, but it made for good pictures and it was much easier to deal with than the fantasies about Tora taking him out to dinner (as a couple, of course) or taking a shower together (nevermind, that one wasn’t so innocent) or of Tora just… holding him. Nao tried to snap back to thinking about a rather sexy Tora sitting in a chair where the camera was. It wasn’t hard.

"Okay, how about you look towards the window…" The photographer said absentmindedly.

Tora was no longer sitting in a chair where the camera was, but rather standing by the window, his fingers pushing back the curtains a bit so that he could peer outside. This Tora was closest to the real one, the one who Nao wished would just look his way. Nao gazed longingly at the thought of Tora for the longest time, not really consciously aware of how he was posing or changing the inclination or angle of his head but he must have done alright because soon the photographer was announcing that he was finished and a few people were clapping. Nao forced himself to smile and clap lightly, too.

_Oh, this is far from over_ , he thought.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Shou was barely paying attention to the screen, his eyes half-closed and his cheek heavy against Saga's crown. His breathing, as always, was mesmerizing and made him drowsy and comfortable; Shou loved that feeling of lazy belonging he got when they were together (it was all the stronger when they were holding on to one another, though). And Shou, of course, knew how every time he talked about Saga, people just wanted him to shut up because he went on and on but… he couldn't help it. For everything else, there was some sort of artsy thing he could do to get his feelings out but with Saga, it all came out messily in a jumble of uncoordinated, adoring anecdotes and facts. He couldn't get over how funny it was that he'd never written a love song specifically for anyone before; he always put himself in someone else's skin and imagined the feelings he would write about—they were never his. His lyrics about love seemed poetic, and beautiful to him yet when it came to expressing what he felt to or about someone real…

Now _that_ was a problem.

He could and had always been able to compliment his lovers smoothly, could tell them all sorts of things he liked about them but… when it came to expressing his feelings, his words sort of abandoned him. Traitors. And instead of saying _Saga I love you_ , he would call him gorgeous and kiss him lightly, wishing that he were less of a coward. And to everyone else, what should have been a simple _I love him_ , turned into a string of things he liked about Saga, or funny things he'd said or done lately.

But Saga was something different altogether. On the rare nights that they were able to sleep with eachother, he would say exactly what he felt, his voice quiet and naked. Shou would always kiss him and hold him tightly or just look at him—sometimes he would run his fingers through Saga's hair or lay his lips against his boyfriend's cheekbone, hoping he understood, somehow. He hoped that Saga had superpowers, so that he could just read Shou's mind, where his feelings were somehow blocked from being formed into proper words.

"What're you thinking about?" Saga asked drowsily, his fingertips reaching up to press gently against Shou's cheek.

"Oh, nothing, baby," Shou replied, turning his head slightly to kiss Saga's fingers.

"You sure?" There was a touch of humour in the quiet reply.

"Yeah," Shou said as Saga moved his fingers slowly downwards against his cheek until he took his hand away altogether. "Still sure you don’t want to go lie down for a bit?"

"Maybe later, after supper…" Saga said, rubbing his cheek against Shou's shirt softly. "We can make love, then." Saga kissed Shou’s neck—he could feel Saga's smile against his skin. "It seems like we never have time to just be alone together these days, like we're always too tired or too busy."

" _I always have time to make love with you_ ," Shou thought to himself, feeling frustrated that he couldn't just bring himself to say it out loud. He always felt like Saga would laugh at what he said or think it too romantic or cheesy. Shou always found his thoughts to be such and he felt uncomfortable with them. Instead, he squeezed Saga's shoulder and tried to pull him just a little closer. Saga's naked words never failed to make him lose his verbal footing.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Nao was leaning against the window frame that his dream-Tora had been against moments earlier; outside, there was nothing, really. Just a backyard with odds and ends, overgrown plants and a very old-looking patio set. He wished so badly that he weren't alone right now—just for someone else he knew to be there so that he could talk and take his mind off some things. Some things being Tora, of course. He would have to sit down for an interview in a few minutes, anyway.

He turned around and saw the interviewer setting her things up on and around the ornate coffee table beside the couch and he took a deep breath before starting to walk over. Then, something altogether unexpected happened—it made him jump in surprise and change his course instantly. His phone had begun vibrating against the end table beside the sofa on the other end of the room. He had to force himself not to run to get it, though as soon as he realized who was calling him, his stomach twisted into knots. He immediately answered the call.

"Hello?" Nao tried to sound as casual as possible.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Um, just a second—" Nao pressed the phone to his chest and looked over at the interviewer. "I'll be back in a few minutes—I have to take this call; it's important."

"Oh," She said, looking surprised as Nao walked straight out of the room, putting the phone back to his ear, "Okay…"

"Sorry 'bout that," Nao said, his heart beating loudly in his ear, "I just had to tell them I needed a little break. So… erm, why did you call?"

"Oh, I've been calling _everyone_ today," Tora said, chuckling slightly, "You see, I'm doing last-minute gift-shopping and I'm really getting nowhere with it. Everyone's been giving me different advice."

"You want _my_ advice?" Nao asked, a bit sceptical.

"Well, yeah," Tora said, sounding a bit sheepish, "I guess you could call it that. First of all, I still have to get something for my mom and I don't want to get her jewellery like last year."

"You got your mom _jewellery_?" Nao asked, laughing, "That's just weird. Let your dad be the one to buy jewellery—that's my philosophy, anyway."

"Well then what do you get?" Tora asked, sighing in defeat.

"Well, I usually get her things that have to do with family or something—she loves cheesy stuff like that," Nao replied. "Last year I got her a picture frame with all our names—my brother, my mom, my dad and I, I mean—engraved around it and from what my brother said, she almost cried because she thought it was so thoughtful."

"Enough bragging, now," Tora said teasingly. "Get on with it."

"Yeah, yeah," Nao said, trying not to laugh. "The year before that I got her something for the kitchen—it was some tea-set or something but this year, I got her a really nice scrapbooking kit." Nao paused. "I think she'll enjoy it, especially because father said they were going to take a trip down here for a week or so sometime this year."

"How the hell do you think of this stuff?" Tora said, sounding impressed.

"I don't know…" Nao trailed off casually, internally glowing at the understated praise.

"Too bad you didn't turn down that interview for today," Tora said, sounding amused, "Otherwise you could have come shopping with me and I would be completely done by now."

"Oh well," Nao replied airily, trying not to sigh out loud (he whipped his hand away from his chest when he realized that he was clutching it like some lovesick fool).

"Well I guess that has given me ideas," Tora said thoughtfully, "But I still have to get something else for an old friend."

"Oh?" Nao asked, feeling hot and cold all over, all at once.

"I've known him a while and all, but I still dunno what to get."

"Um…" Nao wasn't sure what he felt. "Does he like games?"

Tora started laughing. "Hiroto-kun asked me the same thing earlier!"

Nao tried to force himself to laugh a little, too. "Well, you know, it's kind of logical, isn't it? Games—electronics."

"So basically you and Hiroto-kun are telling me that if everyone got you games, you'd both be perfectly okay with that?" Tora laughed. "Oh, please. I love games too, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't get a little annoyed if I never got a pair of socks and a manga or something here and there!"

"Well, yeah," Nao said, closing his eyes and leaning against the wall, "I guess you have a point. Getting a game for someone isn't very thoughtful unless it's a rare one that has significance to them, I guess. It's the easy way out, isn't it?"

"I'm back at square one, aren't I?" Tora asked, sounding exasperated, even though he still sounded a little amused by it all.

"Yeah," Nao said, forcing himself to sound amused, too, even though he felt a little short of breath. "Well, anyway, I should go sit down for that interview of mine, now."

"Hey, sorry for keeping you so long," Tora replied.

"Nah, it's fine," Nao said nonchalantly. "I needed a break. Well… good luck finding something for your mother—and I hope your friend likes what you get him."

Nao felt his heart constricting as he hung up.

  



	4. Chapter 4

Though the interview was over, Nao didn't feel relieved; after all, the theme of the spread was _day and night_. In other words, they were doing more photography once the sun had gone down; he even had to get through a dinner with the entire crew, as if spending the day with them all hadn't been bad enough. Sure, he could decline the offer, but that would just bring up questions from them that he didn't want to answer. They told him he could wander around for a while until supper (the restaurant was quite popular so the earliest they could get a reservation had been seven thirty). He figured he'd look stupid wandering around the streets aimlessly but he was going to do so anyway because he didn't feel like staying in the house they'd been shooting in—usually he didn't mind talking to whoever was around but today… he just wasn’t in the mood.

It was pretty cold even with the winter sun still shining above his head so he kept his uncovered hands in his pockets, his bag pressed between his arm and the side of his chest. Her knew he wouldn't be able to wander around outside for long without having to duck into a store and pretend to look around for a while to warm up but he intended to make the most of his time outside in trying to sort through his thoughts. They'd been weighing on his mind heavily back at the house.

In particular, there was one memory that he kept turning over in his mind whenever he had the time to do so; it had happened a couple months before then and yet, he still could not stop obsessing over it.

It wasn't the mere fact that Tora, at the time, had teased him about always staying in a room alone and never letting him have a break from Hiroto, it was the fact that he had absolutely insisted on sharing a hotel room with him. Hiroto didn't seem too bothered with the idea (even though he made sure to complain that he'd be bored all on his own for the night) but Nao had still felt some sort of nervous triumph that afternoon. And Tora, of course, had been as unreadable as ever.

That wasn't even the end of the confusion for Nao because after doing the live and coming back to the hotel, Nao had expected Tora to take a shower and then leave with Hiroto to go drinking (they did this often) but he hadn’t done that at all. Instead, he'd taken a shower, put on some pyjama pants and fallen back onto his bed with a lazy sort of grin. Nao, of course, had done his best not to stare at his bare chest and the way the pants had slipped down a bit when he'd stretched out on the bed but it was quite an exercise in willpower.

Nao was immersed so deeply in the memory of Tora's half-naked body that he almost bumped into a garbage can placed rather inconveniently in a storefront. He glared at it in annoyance and tried to pick up his train of thought again. Tora, on a bed, half-naked. Right.

He remembered fumbling to find the remote control for the TV because he'd known that without a distraction, he would not have stopped staring; the default channel, of course, was a pay-per-view one and Nao had thought to himself, for a moment, that he would have liked nothing better than to watch some porn with the guitarist but that, he'd told himself, was a dangerous thought. He'd pushed it away and had quickly flipped through channels trying to find a program that would make him laugh himself senseless or better yet, put him to sleep before he did something altogether stupid.

Nao recalled all these harried thoughts with startling clarity. He'd especially had many pleasing fantasies about what would have happened if he'd had the balls to put on some porn with Tora still in the room. Those, of course, always ended well (Nao had to suppress a smirk, at that). Nao forced himself to return to his memory because the next part was just as good, anyway. He remembered, very clearly, his utter shock and anxious excitement as Tora had gotten up and told him to move over because it was easier to watch TV from his bed. Nao could remember only mumbling something incoherent as he had moved over to one side of the bed so that Tora had had enough room on the other; Tora had been chuckling at him for some reason.

Then—and the image was burned into Nao's mind permanently—Tora had turned onto his side slightly and had asked Nao for the remote and Nao, of course, had made the mistake of looking Tora directly into the eyes. He could not, for the life of him, forget the way that Tora had been looking back at him, even if he couldn’t figure out what the gaze had meant, either. And then, of course, Nao knew that it had probably meant absolutely nothing. He hadn't dared move or say anything as Tora lay beside him, seemingly oblivious to his inner turmoil.

The worst or the best thing, by far, had been when Tora had actually fallen asleep, sprawled out on his back with his hands resting comfortably behind his head on a pillow… Nao couldn't remember how long he'd lain there, just watching Tora sleep but it had been the most agonizing thing he'd ever had to go through. Just remembering it was painful, because it reminded him how goddamn enamoured he was and how many hours he'd spent going over every detail, trying to convince himself that something had been there, that it hadn't been his imagination.

When he'd felt himself falling asleep, that night, he'd gotten up and gone to lie in Tora's deserted bed, instead. He felt stupid, looking back, and he wished that he had simply fallen asleep beside him, even if it had made things a little weird in the morning. Because in the morning, there had been nothing—Tora's bag had lain on the floor, packed, and he'd been nowhere to be found. Later, of course, Nao had found that he'd gone for breakfast with Hiroto because Shou and Saga were still sleeping. Nao's reasoning told him that Tora simply hadn't wanted to wake him up but mostly it told him that Tora had probably found him to be boring company and had left him asleep because of that. It was terribly depressing.

Nao started keeping a lookout for a coffee shop; he needed a pick-me-up. Badly.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

"It's a good thing you brought over some of his food, that time," Shou said, heading for what he liked to call the _cat cupboard_ in his kitchen. "If you hadn't, you'd have to go home by now, wouldn't you?"

"You do realize we're going to have to walk Chiko as soon as we get back, right?" Saga asked, getting an old, chipped bowl out of one of the cupboards overhead and presenting it to Shou.

"Oh, no, he can just use Chirori's old dish," Shou said, waving the bowl away, "It has a spot for food and a spot for water so it'll be much more convenient."

"Okay then…" Saga mumbled, putting the bowl back where he'd gotten it. "I'll go get him so he knows we're putting out food for him."

Shou was filling up one compartment of the rectangular dish with water when Saga, followed by Chiko, came into the room; Shou looked back at the both of them, smiling slightly and then turned off the water, setting the dish on the floor apart from the cats' food bowls. Saga came over to put the food in the other compartment of the dish and then they both moved back a bit to wait for Chiko to come have a sniff and make sure everything was to his liking.

"What're you in the mood for?" Shou asked, leaning back against the counter while still keeping an eye on the dog who was inching towards the food dish speculatively. "Anything in particular?"

"Not really," Saga replied, getting up to stand beside Shou. He paused and then flashed Shou a sort of cheeky grin. "Whatever you feel like treating me to."

"And just who says _I'm_ the one doing the treating?" Shou asked teasingly, raising his eyebrow at the bassist. Saga gave him a disbelieving look and Shou chuckled, pulling Saga against his chest. "Of _course_ I'm doing the treating, gorgeous." Saga smiled smugly and wrapped his arms around Shou's waist sideways, kissing him on the cheek.

"Oh, look, he's having a bite," Saga mumbled against Shou's cheek, "I think we can go now, as long as we're not gone for too long." Saga paused, kissing the vocalist's cheek against with a soft teasing chuckle. "He might get nervous being alone with your terrifying cats, so…"

"Terrifying, are they?" Shou asked in amusement, "Well I hope _you're_ not terrified of them."

"Of course not," Saga replied, still with that smug smile, squeezing Shou around the waist slightly, "They're cute—and on that note, take me out to dinner."

"Not very subtle, are you?" Shou chuckled, nuzzling Saga's cheek playfully in turn. "But yes, let's get moving so we can be back early and take Chiko for a walk."

"First, though," Saga said, "You have to change into something better."

"What's wrong with what I have on?" Shou asked in surprise as he looked down at his t-shirt and jeans, wiggling his toes against the floor.

"Nothing," Saga said soothingly, kissing his cheek again, "But you clearly just put something on for the sake of getting dressed—you can't go on a date with me in a fancy restaurant looking like that."

"Who says we're going to a fancy restaurant?" Shou asked, teasing.

"Okay, not a fancy restaurant, then," Saga laughed lightly, "But I'm wearing—"

"You look put-together and I look like I'm going to hang out at an arcade," Shou cut in good-naturedly; "I get it. I'll be back in a few minutes, baby."

"What?" Saga asked, mock-offended, "Not going to let me oversee you getting dressed to make sure everything is to my liking?"

"Nope." And Shou left with a maddening grin.

Saga shook his head, smiling, and returned to the couch they had been lazing around on all afternoon where he sat down to wait. For a while, he simply sat and wondered what Shou would be doing for New Year's and whether or not he would say no to spending equal amounts of time with both their families (as if they didn't spend enough time together, already). He was considerably deep in thought when he felt something bite and tug at his hair: he jumped in surprise and turned around, wide-eyed. The perpetrator was none other than Kuro, of course, who had probably jumped up onto the back of the couch silently while Saga had been distracted by his thoughts.

"You _scared_ me…" Saga whispered, scratching the black cat behind the ears and laughing softly in relief. He was still petting Kuro when Shou finally came out of his bedroom. Saga got up and walked over to meet him, giving him an appreciative smile. " _Much_ better."

"I'm glad you think so," Shou said playfully, "Because even if you didn't, I wouldn't go back and change."

"No, I _love_ grey on you…" Saga murmured with a contented smile, wrapping his arms around Shou's neck and pulling himself against his boyfriend's chest. "And it's such a soft sweater, too..."

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Nao was on his way back to the house; it wasn't much better being outside than it was being in. And besides, it was warm inside, at least. He was trying hard not to think about Tora but the problem was, the more he tried not to, the more he did; it was really rather counter-productive. He was remembering a time they'd gone out for supper together—actually, it was probably the first time they'd really spent any time alone together—and Nao could clearly remember how awkward it had been at first. This was back before Nao had been completely smitten (at least, he was pretty sure he hadn’t been attracted to him, then) and neither of them had known the other all that well.

Nao knew that Tora was reserved, a good guitarist and that he liked cats, games and then manga, in that order. Which, really, when Nao thought back on it, was quite vague. If he'd taken away the fact of being a good guitarist, he could very well have been describing Shou.

Nao dropped his empty cup of coffee in a garbage can as he passed it.

The restaurant they'd gone to, that night, had been packed and they'd had to wait in line for over a half hour to get a table. Nao had no idea how Tora had not gotten fed up over it—they could very well have left and gone somewhere else but he'd been adamant about trying out the food there and Tora had simply shrugged and said okay. There really hadn't been much talking during the wait until they were finally told that they would be seated soon—it was strange, the way that had sort of initiated some kind of camaraderie between them. They had begun talking about something—Nao no longer remembered what it was—but it was enough to make him feel much more comfortable around the guitarist, like he wasn't just a stoic, unapproachable man.

Nao smiled a little at the memory. They'd been seated at the very back, at the table right beside the door to the bathrooms which may have been convenient, and may have seemed a bit unsavoury at first, but after a while, the proximity to the bathrooms proved to be ample entertainment for the both of them. The food, after all, had taken forever to arrive (it was good though) and they'd needed something to keep themselves entertained.

It had been a silly game, really. Rather stupid, looking back. And yet, they'd laughed so much over it at the time—they'd amused themselves by making farting noises by pressing their palms together whenever someone came out of the bathroom. It had been childish, yes, but the looks on the people's faces had been priceless. Some had looked disgusted, some had been alarmed, some had tried to feign indifference, some had laughed once they had gained enough distance (and others had been bold enough to laugh on the spot). The simple fact that it had been all Tora's idea was what made it memorable—he had a serious appearance and yet, given the opportunity, he had such a sense of humour. Nao loved that (no matter if it could be childish, too).

That whole episode, of course, had only lasted until their meal was brought but by then their faces were already relaxed into grins from suppressing so much laughter. Nao remembered the way Tora kept bursting into random snorts now and again, his face pointed down at his plate, clearly still amused by their antics beforehand. They'd been a little more subdued after finishing their meal and picking at some dessert but still, the conversation had flowed smoothly between them, as if a little while of goofing off together had suddenly given them the feel of being old friends.

Nao kicked absentmindedly at the gritty snow on the curb as he waited for the light to change so that he could cross. It wasn't that he never went out to eat with Tora anymore, or that they no longer joked and laughed about stupid things, it was that despite all this, Nao needed it to be more. It was endless frustration to talk to him or see him and wonder if he felt the same or not—and not know the answer. Plus, there was also the small matter of Nao really wanting to have sex with him in every way imaginable (or most).

Nao crossed the street with a sigh.

  



	5. Chapter 5

Nao really wasn't paying any attention to the two little conversations around the dinner table—he couldn't care less about what was holding everyone else's attention. He just wanted the night to be over so he could go home, have a nice glass of wine, check his mail, gulp down another glass of wine, brush his teeth and then throw himself in bed. He’d decide later if he was feeling too angsty to not change out of his clothes before getting into bed.

Someone asked him his opinion on whatever was being discussed. " _Shit_ ," Nao thought to himself, " _Double shit. Think of something, moron. Think, think, think!_ " A couple people were looking at him expectantly; he tried to look sheepish instead of annoyed. "I was totally spaced out, just then," Nao said, forcing a chuckle, "I'm sorry, what did you ask?"

Nao thanked whoever had decided to call him at that moment. He heard his phone vibrating against something hard in his bag and snatched it out before the guy sitting next to him could repeat his question. With an apologetic grin, he checked who was on the other line and the bottom dropped out of his stomach. Someone could have very well lit a fire under his ass for the speed at which he shot out of his seat and mumbled some excuse for why he had to take the call. He didn't notice the surprised looks as he answered the phone, heading quickly for the outside of the restaurant.

"Hello?"

"'bout time you picked up," Tora's voice replied in mock-annoyance.

"Sorry," Nao replied, unable to keep the grin out of his voice or off his face, either.

"What're _you_ so pleased about?"

"Oh, you know, being the center of attention and all that…" Nao laughed. "And besides, the food here is good."

"This is the sound of me being really, really surprised," Tora said dryly.

" _Ha, ha,_ " Nao said a bit mockingly, "Hilarious. Now is there any particular reason why you decided to call me right in the middle of supper?"

"Well, first of all," Tora said, sounding amused, "I ate my supper about an hour ago, so it's not suppertime for me. Second of all, I'm still wandering around downtown and I guess it just annoys me to have no one to talk to."

"And there was no one else you could have called?" Nao asked, trying to sound amused rather than eager.

"Well… no, not really," Tora said after a moment of consideration. "I may have called Saga, but Shou's tongue is probably down his throat by now so it would be hard to talk." Tora snickered. "Bad image."

"Probably pretty accurate, though," Nao added almost boredly.

Tora laughed. "Yeah…"

"I should probably get back in soon," Nao remarked, trying to keep the regret out of his voice. "Supper'll get cold and I didn’t put on my coat to come outside so I'm going to freeze my ass off any minute now. Hell, I'm not even wearing a scarf."

"You're not wearing a scarf?" Tora asked, sounding surprised and amused, "You seem to wear 'em a lot during the winter."

"Oh, those aren't warm anyway," Nao said, "And I was in a rush this morning so I just grabbed my coat and that was it. Just—get on with it, I'm freezing."

"Oh, uh, right," Tora said, sounding a bit dazed. "I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out for a while after you're done with everything over there."

Nao wore a strange expression, at that. It was sort of halfway between bliss, flattery and disappointment. "I'm probably not going to be done here until pretty late so, with the live tomorrow and everything…" Nao trailed off, sighing mentally. "It's probably better if I went straight home and to bed. I know, I know, I'm a square."

Tora laughed. "Okay, then. Just call me if you change your mind, I'll probably still be up." Tora paused. "Well, see you tomorrow, anyway."

"Yeah, see you," Nao replied, trying to force cheeriness into his tone.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

It was already quite dark and quiet along the sidewalk as they continued on, their flickering shadows trailing just a bit behind them against the sides of the buildings they passed. Shou wondered how Chiko managed to look quite comfortable instead of cold—after all, _he_ was curling his cold, gloved fingers into his jacket pockets and still shivering a bit. He felt relieved that they were rounding the corner that would take them back to his apartment building—he simply wasn't cut out for staying in the cold.

"Shou?"

"Hmnm?"

Saga looked back at him sheepishly. "Could you… take Chiko's leash?" He stopped walking. "My hands are freezing."

"Oh—yeah, sure," Shou said, taking the leash from Saga's hand, "He's not going to go crazy and start running so that I get dragged along the sidewalk, is he?" Shou wasn't sure whether he intended for his tone to sound teasing or apprehensive (it was more apprehensive).

"Of course not!" Saga laughed, rubbing his hands together and putting them in his pockets, "He's a just calm old geezer!"

"Well…" Shou said, a bit grudgingly, "I guess it's not so bad."

"Of course it's not," Saga replied, smiling warmly. "Besides, Chiko likes you."

"Ah…" Shou said, as if in relief, "I have his seal of approval, then?"

"What do you _mean_?" Saga asked, chuckling with mirth, "He likes _everyone_!"

"Why'd you say that?" Shou asked, sounding almost crestfallen, "I felt special for a second there…"

Saga started chuckling in earnest at that and slowed down so that he was walking right beside Shou; he looked around for a moment and then linked his arm with Shou’s, slipping his hand into the vocalist’s. Shou gave him a surprised look. "Our hands'll stay warmer this way, don't you think?" Saga smiled at him in a sort of restrained, shy way to which Shou responded by squeezing his hand gently. They walked the rest of the way silently because the building was just up ahead and because Saga was content just to walk and Shou couldn't think of anything to say even though he wanted to. Chiko's tail started wagging as they walked into the lobby as if he looked forward to coming into the place (though perhaps he was just happy to be inside where it was warm) and to Shou's surprise, Saga didn't let go of his hand even as they stood, waiting, in front of the elevator. "Shou?" Saga murmured; Shou looked at him questioningly which gave Saga the opportunity to kiss him softly on the lips. "Thanks for coming with me."

"Hey, no need to thank me, baby," Shou said, almost laughing, "It was better than staying in, all alone, even if it _was_ cold outside."

"I know, just felt like saying it," Saga explained contentedly.

"Well I'm glad you enjoy my company so much, gorgeous," Shou replied, feeling stupid for not saying something sentimental, instead—the moment had been perfect. Shou didn't want to see what Saga's reaction had been because he didn’t want to feel like a bigger idiot than he already did. They got into the elevator when the doors opened, Chiko sniffing the floor for a moment before getting bored and standing with his head facing the door. Saga breathed in, as if to say something (Shou held his breath, waiting) but he seemed to change his mind at the last second and exhaled harmlessly (Shou was inexplicably disappointed). They got out of the elevator, a moment later, heading towards the door to Shou's apartment; Saga let go of his boyfriend's hand and reached into Shou's pocket, taking out his keys.

"You can take off his leash now, you know," Saga said sounding almost amused, "He won't go anywhere."

"I know, but I can't help thinking he'll just dash off," Shou said sheepishly as Saga unlocked the door and opened it—Chiko seemed a bit hesitant, especially when, meowing, Kuro dashed towards them. It made Shou laugh, of course, to see the cat then proceed to pretend to ignore them while secretly waiting for a pat and some attention. Once Saga had closed the door behind them, Shou unclasped Chiko's leash and the dog wandered over to the couch after a look back at the both of them (he seemed wary while passing Kuro on his way).

Saga sat down to take off his boots while Shou leaned against the wall, trying to struggle out of his. They ended up messily on the floor though Saga was quick to take them and line them neatly along the wall with the rest of the vocalist's shoes (and his pair, of course). When Saga looked up at him, getting back on his feet, Shou offered his hand and pulled the bassist up gently; Saga was wearing a mild expression, his cheeks pink from the cold (Shou supposed his must've looked the same) but the way Saga's expression softened somehow when he looked up… that was what made Shou’s heart pound. And the way Saga kissed him and brushed his fingertips against his ears towards the back of his neck… it brought out a fierceness in him that was sort of inexplicable.

"Make love to me, Shou…" Saga murmured, their lips just centimetres apart; Shou pressed his lips against Saga's again, letting him wonder what his answer was. He was both averse and attracted to those words—they gave him a strange feeling in his chest as though he weren't sure what to feel, exactly, upon hearing them. He had never, not once, heard Saga refer to the act as _having sex_ ; to him, it was always _making love_. Even the first time they'd had sex, Saga had referred to it as making love and had thrown Shou completely off-guard, made him feel uncomfortable. Shou had always had a profound distance to those sorts of terms, they'd always set his teeth on edge, maybe because he had always considered them too corny. But after so many times of Saga saying it, so many nights of him whispering the same little request, Shou had come to realize that the discomfort he felt was more like fear at the gravity and plainness of Saga's feelings.

Shou was somehow leading him by the hand, towards his bedroom; he was glad none of his cats had decided to make themselves comfortable on his bed because he was able to close the door behind them, shutting them in the company of eachother. Shou wondered if maybe the whole business of making love was just Saga's way of saying that he understood how Shou felt, that there was no need for him to say it. But the fact of the matter was, Shou _wanted_ to say it.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Nao just wanted the night to be over, already, so he could get on with the events of the next day—he was tired of waiting, posing, answering the damned questions. He wanted sleep, that's what he wanted. No, wait, he wanted Tora and, come to think of it, he wanted his day-off back.

He was definitely regretting giving up his day-off at this point.

He was mostly annoyed at himself for telling Tora that it would be better if he just went home and straight to sleep—it was such a huge lie, Nao could barely believe he'd been able to say it. He wished he'd just given in to Tora's voice because it would have been so much easier and much more complicated at the same time; he could see him in his mind's eye, the way he may have been sitting, casually cross-legged, then, lying on a—and Nao had to stop himself. Of _course_ his thoughts had to drift to Tora lying on a bed, half-naked. Typical.

There was still a little while to go before the night photoshoot was to begin because he was still getting his hair touched up after being outfitted (at least he was enjoying all the pampering) but after that he knew the night would be a bit of a bore. He really didn’t want to be doing any of it at the moment, wanted instead to be… well, he wanted to be spending the rest of the evening with Tora. Tora had expressed an interest in doing so, after all.

He remembered a time when Tora had _made_ him come over to see his new cat—and he wasn’t really a pet-person to begin with. It was sort of amusing because, for all the bad things he said about his pet at the studio and all the complaints about the annoying things it did, Tora had been fairly enthusiastic presenting Chicken to him. It was the way that, holding the cat, he would rattle off all his annoying habits with this silly grin on his face as though Nao were supposed to understand exactly what he was talking about. As though Nao was supposed to know that the translation for _crazy cat_ was supposed to be _adorable kitty_. And for the way Tora held the cat, Nao supposed that must have been the right translation after all.

Nao was a bit embarrassed remembering how he had pet the cat, too, just because he figured Tora would approve and like the gesture (Nao had _not_ liked doing it). Tora had found it funny and had teased him about it so Nao had concluded the effort worthwhile after all—if it meant that he could be done with work for the night, he would gladly pet Chicken again. However unpleasant a thought that was. At least Tora would be there. Maybe they'd have to search for Chicken all over his apartment and Tora would have to get down on his hands and knees to check under the bed—thank God for western-style beds that created places for critters to hide—

Damn, Tora was shirtless again. Nao wished his mind would just get out of the gutter—his sanity was already wearing thin as it was.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

"Get away from the damn door, Chicken," Tora said in annoyance, "God, you're such a hassle!"

He sighed, shaking his head in exasperation as he closed the door and unzipped his jacket, throwing it onto a nearby chair—he wouldn't bother hanging it up. He slipped out of his boots. He was holding several bags and thankfully all the presents he'd bought were already wrapped neatly so he didn't need to worry about any of that. Chicken was still purring and twining around his legs so Tora assumed he was hungry or wanted treats or something—he always seemed to annoy Tora for these things, especially when he was just getting home after a long day.

He brought all his purchases to his small kitchen table and set them down, turning around to return to the couch in his living room (Chicken was quick to hop up onto the opposite side and stare at him expectantly). "I'm not giving you anything; you have food," Tora said, giving his cat a dry look. He settled back, letting out a heavy sigh, maybe out of exhaustion from having run around all day looking for presents, which was something he'd always sucked at. He sort of felt like calling Hiroto but figured that he'd probably be playing video games again… or something. Tora decided, after all, not to call—instead, he leaned across the couch slightly to pick up Chicken and held the cat to his chest, petting the top of his head absentmindedly. Chicken struggled a little in his arms at first but relaxed after a moment, probably realizing that Tora wasn't going to give him a treat after all.

  



	6. Chapter 6

The scene felt strangely familiar, though, it was quite a bit darker now than it had been in the morning. He was hurrying towards the train station to take the last train for a while back to the heart of the city—otherwise, he'd have to stay hours longer in that damned house and he really did feel as though that would make him go crazy. Thankfully, he'd been able to leave as soon as the second interview had been done (the questions had been very nearly the same as before). Nao was panting slightly when he jogged up to the doors and got on the train and was quite annoyed to realize that he'd rushed for nothing—there were still fifteen minutes until it was due to leave. Typical.

It wasn't difficult to find his seat and he sat down heavily, kind of relieved that he'd get to sit next to the window—it was probably one of the only things that would be able to distract him from thoughts of Tora. Then again, maybe not. He hoped the lights would be dimmed enough so that he would actually be able to see outside—he'd rather not have to stare at his own reflection for an hour or more. He took his mp3 player out of his bag again and fit his headphones over his ears easily, turning on the device; soon, music was blocking out every little sound in the rest of the carriage. He put on some jazz that he'd added to the player a while ago: maybe it would calm him.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Saga was breathing calmly, his eyes closed as he lay on his side facing away from Shou who was twining his fingers slowly in the ends of the bassist's hair—Shou was watching him through half lidded eyes, his expression contemplative. Saga hadn’t said a word since he'd closed his eyes and Shou wished he knew what the bassist was thinking; turned away, the vocalist could not even make out the expression on his face. Was it serene, as it usually was? Was he smiling? Frowning? Shou knew he could simply ask but he wasn’t sure how, and he wasn't certain what to say to Saga—wasn't sure how to explain why he needed to know how he was feeling at that moment. It seemed stupid to him, thinking about it and yet he couldn’t erase that desire to know from his mind.

It wasn't the sex at all (though Shou had to admit, they were a damn good match in that sense) that kept him completely infatuated with Saga, but rather the time they spent around it making eachother laugh or keeping one another company… those times that Saga would fall asleep on the couch, leaning into his chest (he liked to tease Shou about watching supposedly boring movies) and Shou always woke him up right as the movie was ending and credits were rolling on the screen. Saga always seemed to ask _oh, what did I miss?_ And Shou would usually reply _only the whole movie, gorgeous_. Saga usually laughed groggily at that and would start to get up. Shou, of course, always told him he had to stay over. That was why Saga rarely left Chiko at his apartment anymore—more often than not, he spent his nights at Shou's.

There was something to be said about that.

These days, Shou always managed to feel lonely when he had to sleep alone, instead of relieved, like he used to, to have the entire bed to himself, to not have to conform to the way someone else slept, to not have to worry about the sharing of sheets… Wasn't it not long ago that Shou hadn't minded sharing a room with Hiroto or Tora or Nao when they went on tours? He hadn't minded being away from Saga for a few nights, had actually found it refreshing, rather like listening to the same song over and over again and then listening to a new one before going back again. Now it drove him crazy to spend a night apart even though he saw Saga nearly every day, regardless. He found himself talking about Saga constantly (that wasn't new) and wanting to be around him—just the thought of him…

Shou kissed Saga's shoulder once, twice, moving his lips closer to the arch of his boyfriend's neck, breathing softly against his skin. He slid his palm further along Saga’s hipbone and then down against the depression of is navel, pressing his chest against the bassist's back—he closed his eyes and let his lips rest against Saga’s warm neck.

It was moments like these that made him full, almost to the point of nausea, with feeling. The moments that brought him closest to being able to voice all his thoughts—he pressed his lips, again, against Saga’s neck.

"Saga, I love you," He murmured. "I want you to move in with me."

He couldn’t breathe, wondering what Saga would say or do. He’d said it, finally. _Finally_. Funny though: he felt more anxious than relieved. And Saga wasn’t saying a word—Shou wondered if he'd said too much, too quickly, if he'd made a verbal misstep of some kind. He exhaled slowly, stroking the flat of the bassist's belly with his thumb.

"Saga?" Shou whispered hesitantly.

"It would have to be before the album came out—before we went on tour," Saga replied finally, quietly, and Shou wasn't really sure what sort of emotion was in his voice. "I can't believe you finally asked…" Saga breathed, reaching down to take Shou's hand and press it against his warm chest so that Shou held him a bit tighter. "I thought you didn't feel the same—you're not just saying that, are you?"

"No, of course not," Shou murmured, wondering if he should be offended or not.

"And you don't mind Chiko?" Saga asked quietly, his tone sounding almost disbelieving.

"Do you not want to?" Shou asked, confused, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. "Was that too sudden? I'm sorry—I didn't mean to force that on you or anything…" Shou thought about moving away slightly but Saga was holding the vocalist's hand resolutely between both of his.

"I tell you that I love you so often that…" Saga trailed of, his thoughts perhaps fractured—his voice was quite small in the room. "Well, I just have to wonder if you didn’t feel obliged to say it back."

" _Why_ would I?" Shou asked, his tone a mix of hurt and curiosity.

"I don't know…" Saga trailed off. He sounded uncomfortable, probably as upset as Shou felt. "Because you're humouring me? Because you can do so much better?"

"That's a bit insulting…" Shou tried to keep his voice quiet and neutral.

"I'm sorry…" And Shou could really hear that emotion behind the forced quiet calm of his reply. "I've just never felt good enough, really—sure, everyone is crazy about me when I'm putting on a show, but it's just a performance, it's not really… _me_."

"I couldn't care less about the person you are when you perform," Shou said truthfully, a sort of fierceness behind his admission. "That person is not the same one I spend most of my time with."

"I'm nothing special," Saga whispered, sounding so insecure that it made Shou's eyes widen.

"I never asked you to be," Shou said, trying to nudge Saga into turning so that they could see eachother's faces. "Come on—look at me—look. Please." It didn't take an expert to see that Saga's eyes were watering and Shou just couldn't understand why. Hadn't what he admitted been a good thing?

"I just don't understand how you could love me…"

"You're not _supposed_ to," Shou insisted gently, seeing his utterly naked expression; he closed his fist around one of Saga's hands. "I can’t tell you why I _l—love_ you," Shou said, stumbling slightly at saying those words again, "All I can say is that I do and that you're good enough for me, because I say so." Saga didn't say anything, but his expression still looked pained. "So what if no one else sees the beauty of you falling asleep in my arms or of you never wanting to go out on Saturday nights or whatever?" Shou saw Saga try to hide the glint of a smile so he pushed on. "And so what if no one understands why I love it that you sometimes steal stuff off my plate when I'm not looking—yeah, look at that smirk forming on your face—I don't care if no one else thinks you're remarkable. I never went out and checked with anyone, asking them if they thought it was acceptable that I loved you."

Saga looked a bit sheepish and seemed to be trying not to smile.

"I don't know how you got it into your head that you're nothing special," Shou said, trying to draw an even bigger smile out of him, "But that's just nonsense." Shou could see a laugh just below the surface of Saga's expression. "Saga, it's just pure, utter _nonsense_."

The bassist said nothing for a moment and then, "I _do_ want to move in with you."

"I'm glad you finally said so," Shou said teasingly, internally relieved.

"I'm sorry I'm so…" Saga trailed off, apparently in search of the right word, " _this_ , but it's just, without all that makeup and those outfits and a stage, I'm just unconfident—ordinary—and it's hard for me to accept or understand what you see in me."

"Saga, (Shou privately wondered how he'd become so at ease using his name all of a sudden) how am I supposed to make it any clearer?" Shou sighed, taking his hand away from Saga's to wrap it around his shoulder and pull him closer. "You don't have to be confident or outgoing or anything but yourself. That's all I ask. Don't lie, and don't leave hair in the sink. That's all." Saga laughed breathily, surprised, his eyes watering more. "And you don't have to cry either, because I'll follow those two rules too." Saga nodded, somewhere between wanting to cry and wanting to laugh. Shou squeezed him slightly and kissed his cheek. Nothing was said for a while.

"We can put my TV in this—our—room," Saga finally said, sounding almost as though he were asking a question as he broke the silence.

Shou was kind of bursting with happiness, even if he only smiled. "And we can put all your dishes in the empty cabinets in the kitchen—and there's room for your little appliances in the corner cupboard."

"Yeah," Saga said, his typical smile returning, "And we can put Chiko's dog bed next to the couch—"

"No, we'll put your armchair there and his bed beside it," Shou said, wondering if the excitement in his voice was as noticeable as he thought it was, "And we'll have to see about buying an external closet rack for some of our clothes because we probably won't have enough room."

"Maybe we should get a bigger dresser with plenty of drawers," Saga suggested, looking like he wasn't sure whether to be shy or not. "Or maybe… we should look for a whole new place."

"What?" Shou laughed, "Move completely?"

"Why don't we?" Saga asked, sounding tentative but excited, "We could look for a new place—one with lots of closet space and an extra room, maybe, and a place we both really like…"

"There would be more room for our pets (Shou liked the way it felt, to say that) and, I mean, I love this apartment but… I'm sure we could find something better—much better."

"I'm sure." Saga smiled widely. Shou nudged the bassist onto his back and draped himself over his chest, kissing Saga’s collarbone unhurriedly because all the talk about moving in and out and about had made him strangely aroused (Shou refused to consider the idea that he was perhaps just a _little_ more dirty-minded than most) and next thing he knew, Saga's hands were splayed out across his shoulder and the back of his neck. He kissed his way up Saga's neck and to his pierced ear which he couldn't resist nibbling on (mostly because it made Saga murmur in appreciation and squirm underneath him); he paid special attention to his boyfriend's jaw line, making sure that it was thoroughly kissed before moving on to his cheek where he paused, giving Saga a matter of fact look that just barely covered up his playful expression.

"Now, if you don't mind," Shou said, feeling as though most of the awkwardness was at an end and that his affection would be well-received, "I'm going to, um…" He coughed slightly, looking uncomfortable, "Erm, make love to you."

Saga laughed, but Shou was more amused than embarrassed to realize two things as they started kissing softly: that the term _making love_ still made him uncomfortable and that Saga had actually realized this all along.

\- - - - - - - - - - -

Nao wasn't surprised that most people on the train were dozing because, after all, it was quite late; he couldn't seem to close his eyes, though. He kept staring out the window, the lights on the inside of the train car reflecting against the glass, and all he could think was _I wish I wasn't here_. But then, it wasn't really that place that he wanted to get away from, it was just… he was tired of being alone. The feeling of wanting to run away, to something, some _one_ , was just all he could think of at the moment. In waves, fantasies washed over him and he wanted to live them so badly… but all he could really do was sit and stare out the window at the dark suburban landscape.

Nothing in his imagination was particularly different from the friendship they already had: it was just sort of enhanced by the (Nao presumed) amazing sex they would have on the side. The mutual glances at one another, the sneaking off to be together, the waking up to Tora's hard-on pressing into his back (Nao particularly liked this one), the weight off his shoulders… It wasn't that different from the way they were now—inside jokes, laughter, history, lunch dates… They were old friends but Nao, as it turned out, wanted more than that. He'd never been one to do things half-assed, after all.

He shifted slightly in his seat and rubbed his eyelids tiredly before checking his watch. He estimated another… twenty minutes? He'd go straight home. The live tomorrow would provide him with a brief respite, he'd go out to eat with everyone, forget his loneliness in their friendship for a while and then he'd go back to his hopeful denial. He sighed quietly as he watched snow fall outside (not easy because of the moving train) but then his stomach practically leapt into his throat as he felt his phone vibrating against his leg.

He fumbled, pulling his headphones off his ears when he noticed who was calling. He flipped his phone open and stuck it hurriedly to his ear.

"Hello?" He hoped his voice didn’t sound too eager.

"Are you finally done over there?" A familiar voice asked, sounding cheerful.

"Yeah, I'm finally done," Nao replied, genuinely relieved. "Finally on my way home."

"Must have been one hell of a long day, huh?" He asked.

"Oh, you have no idea…" Nao sighed, glad for an excuse not to hide his tiredness.

"Too bad we can't go out for drinks or something," He said, sounding amused or something of the like. "I guess it's too late, isn't it?" He paused. "Yeah, you probably won't arrive for another half hour or something, will you?"

"More like twenty minutes or so…" Nao sighed, disguising his gloom as tiredness. "Shouldn't you be in bed, resting for tomorrow?"

"What're you, my manager?" Tora laughed heartily at his little joke (Nao wondered if he was already a little tipsy). "Hey, twenty minutes isn't so bad—it'll be over before you know it. Play a game or something."

"Great idea," Nao noted flatly.

"Hey, it's just a harmless suggestion, take it or leave it," Tora responded good-naturedly. "I should go now, though—I just wanted to make sure you weren't up to doing anything tonight and it'll be midnight in a while and you sound exhausted so… anyway, I'll leave you to it."

"Yeah…" Nao sighed, "Exhausted. Exactly."

"Just try not to fall asleep for those last twenty minutes or you won't feel as tired when you get home."

"More like seventeen minutes," Nao muttered, sounding as tired as he felt. "I'll keep that in mind. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you," Tora said, sounding cheerful. Nao couldn't help but smile slightly, bitterly, at his tone as he hung up.

  



	7. Chapter 7

Now that it was slowing as it pulled into the station, he almost didn't want it to stop. He sort of felt like sitting in his seat and watching the night time scenery flow by his window forever. Or at least for a long time. If he kept travelling, he could avoid thinking about the fact that he didn’t really have anything to go home to: an empty apartment. He would have gotten himself a pet but he figured it would be too much of a hassle considering that he _was_ gone a lot of the time—also, it wasn't as though a hamster or a couple of fish would be excited to see him when he walked in the door. Pity.

People were being roused and helped with carry-ons as the train finally slowed to a stop and Nao got up, music still blasting in his ears as he moved towards the exit, staring more at the floor than anywhere else. He wasn't looking forward to going outside in his thin coat, especially not when it was snowing lightly. Nao was prepared to bet that he was cursed, even though he absolutely did not believe in anything silly like that. He'd make an exception just for the night, for complaining and self-pity's sake. He shivered as he stepped down, his bag tucked under his shoulder as he headed for the exit, hoping he wouldn't have to wait very long in the cold to get a taxi home. He was surprised at how deserted the atrium was as he headed for the outside doors—it was nearing midnight, but still…

He slowed down slightly as other, more harried, passengers passed him at brisk walks toward the exit—he slowed because he knew there was no point in him rushing. Let everyone else grab their rides home, he figured, he had all the time in the world to wait. He knew he was being overly-morose, even in his own head, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. There didn't seem to be any point, at the moment, in convincing himself to think more positively. He'd save that tiring shit for tomorrow, when he had to. He was staring at the ground while walking slowly when someone grabbed him by the shoulder, and he whipped around in alarm before he let out a yell that was also somehow a gasp, making several people raise their eyebrows disapprovingly at him.

"I love how anally precise you are about time," Tora said, teasingly.

"Wh—" Nao was unable to form words at the boggling presence of the guitarist in the atrium. He couldn't seem to think straight and stared disbelievingly at him before realization dawned on him. "Oh—you're here waiting for Hiroto-kun, right?"

Tora looked at him for a moment and then burst out laughing. "You idiot! Of course not! He got back two hours ago!"

"Well then…" Nao paused. "What the hell _are_ you doing here?"

"I wanted to surprise you and besides, the streets aren't too clogged with traffic tonight so I decided to drive over," Tora explained, looking pleased with himself. "I can drive you straight to your apartment—no need to get in a car with a crazy driver you don’t know."

"So instead you want me to get in a car with a crazy driver I _do_ know," Nao said, still a little too surprised to be fully amused or appreciative or whatever else.

"That's right, and I also wanted to give you something because it's almost midnight anyway—close enough." Tora looked around them for a moment and then back at Nao. "Look, Let's go over there," He said, pointing to the corner of the atrium where the bathrooms were located. "That bench, it doesn't look too uncomfortable."

"Uh… okay." Nao followed Tora to the place he'd pointed out and sat down gingerly next to the guitarist who looked utterly at ease, as he very often did.

"As you know, I've been out all day, looking for Christmas presents and well, you gave me the most trouble but I finally settled on something so…" Tora trailed off, reaching into his bag for something and taking out a fair-sized parcel, holding it up. "Here."

Nao was shocked, once more, into silence. Tora was giving him a _geez, take it and open it already_ kind of look so Nao took the present wordlessly and ended up looking at Tora questioningly instead of opening it.

"What're you giving me that look for?" Tora asked, looking like he was trying not to laugh. "It's not going to dismember you if you open it. Think of the mess—and I _hate_ cleaning." Nao couldn't stop himself from sitting motionless, wordlessly: he hadn't expected anything like this at all. He just couldn't wrap his head around it. "I spent all day trying to find something—aren't you at least going to open it and tell me whether I've completely failed or not?"

"I'm sure it's great," Nao replied dazedly, trying to force himself not to get excited over what was probably nothing—Tora looked at him expectantly as he began tearing away the wrapping, the soft package slowly opening in his lap. When he saw what it was, held it up, he couldn’t help it: he started laughing, pressing his forehead into the palm of his hand.

"What is it?" Tora asked, sounding like he was between wanting to laugh along and feeling offended at the reception his gift had been given.

"I—" Nao swallowed, trying to calm his laughter, "I already have a scarf exactly like this—it's just dark red instead of grey and black—I'm sorry, it's not—I'm just really tired and, you know, it's not even funny, I love it, I'm just—" Nao broke off, laughing at the situation, his tiredness, the gift, the fact that he was jumping to conclusions…

"You want to take it back?" Tora asked, unsure, but still chuckling uncertainly despite himself. "I guess it was stupid to get you something, anyway, I dunno…"

"No—no…" Nao was catching his breath, wiping at his eyes, trying to calm down, "No, I like it, really."

"You sure?" Tora asked, scepticism under his teasing tone.

"I'll need it for going outside on the way home," Nao replied, breathless from laughing unnecessarily hard, wondering if Tora believed him. Hell, he wasn't even certain if he believed himself.

"Oh, okay then," Tora said, sounding uncharacteristically sheepish.

"Well at least you actually got me something, huh," Nao said, feeling a little embarrassed at that as he wound the scarf around his neck, trying not to nuzzle into it, glad that Tora had no idea how much it meant to him.

" _I_ don't give presents because I want something back," Tora chuckled, "Aren't you the one that does that?"

Nao's smile was the combination of amusement and offence as he whacked Tora's shoulder with the back of his hand. "Don't you forget it." They both laughed. Recurrent joke.

Once they sort of stopped laughing, which did not take very long, Nao settled back against the bench awkwardly, not quite certain what to say. Well, that wasn't really true. He would have loved to say _Tora, would you mind taking me back to your place for sex and a midnight snack? Yes? Great._ But he was pretty sure that sort of proposition would be met with shock, horror, and either silence or laughter. Fun stuff. He tried to think of something to say, some funny anecdote about his day to relate but he was drawing a blank. He was either too tired or too clearly Tora-obsessed to think coherently.

"So…" Tora said expectantly, maybe expecting the conversation to ripen from there.

"So…" Nao mimicked in the same tone, making Tora snort.

"Any particular reason you decided to take that job instead of spending the day with me?" Tora asked with his typical teasing tone, after a moment more of silence.

Nao sighed inwardly— _what_ a question.

"It was a while ago that I accepted," Nao replied, shrugging, "I guess I didn't realize, at the time, how much I would have preferred a day off. I figured the rest of you would have stuff to do, anyway."

"My day would have been way more fun if you'd been able to come shopping with me," Tora replied, looking expectant.

"I figured Hiroto-kun would have spent the day with you," Nao said, shrugging his shoulders casually.

"Well, yeah, but…" Tora looked a bit lost, as though what Nao had said was completely unexpected. Nao noted absently that it was uncharacteristically cute.

"Oh well, today's over and tomorrow should be great—" Nao looked at his watch. "Actually, more like _today_ since it's almost midnight."

"Don't you feel like today was a waste?" Tora asked, giving Nao what seemed to be an expectant look.

"A… waste?" Nao raised his eyebrow at the guitarist, not sure what to make of his question.

"You know, like you should have done something… different?"

"Different, how?" Nao asked, trying not to jump to conclusions. "Like… stay in bed? Not shower out of laziness? Do a nude photoshoot?"

"Oh, fuck, I'm pathetic," Tora muttered, looking amused as he rubbed one of his eyes with the palm of his hand in exasperation. "I should just come out and say it—do you like me? No, wait, that wasn’t right—"

Nao felt knots twisting in his stomach. "You're my friend, so—"

"Well I'd like to think I already knew _that_ ," Tora said, brandishing a quick, nervous smile.

"Well then…" Nao was clenching one end of the scarf in the palm of his hand.

"I mean, um…" Tora stopped, he was looking down at the bench before he looked back up. "Do you want to go out to dinner with me?"

" _Now_?" He asked, clenching the scarf even harder.

"Well, no, not _now_ ," Tora said, chuckling in that same awkward tone, "I mean, you know, sometime this week, when we're both able or something…"

"Why would I say no to that?" Nao asked, trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach.

"Oh, you think—" Tora laughed nervously, "Um, not as friends, I mean—like, a _date_." Tora paused. "Like, a real date."

Nao was biting his lip to try and keep from grinning at those words as he sort of bowed his head a little so that he could feel a little less embarrassed if he started grinning or blushing or something like that.

"Uh… Nao?"

Nao’s didn’t lift his head. "Why would I say no to that?" he asked, repeating his words from earlier, a little teasingly even though his voice was quieter and almost embarrassed.

"So you'd like to?" Tora asked, sounding somehow surprised, embarrassed and self-satisfied all at once.

"Yes, you idiot," Nao mumbled, trying not to laugh in shock at the way his night was turning out.

"Well, uh… good," Tora said, "Great!" He laughed slightly but Nao wasn't sure if it was sheepishness in his voice or surprise. Then, after a moment: "So... I haven't just been imagining you glancing at me all the time?" Tora asked, trying to make the conversation more comfortable again, trying to regain that teasing note in his voice.

Nao couldn't say anything so he looked up, still fighting not to smile too widely as he shook his head—no, it hadn’t been Tora's imagination. Not at all.

"Have you ever imagined me naked?" Tora asked in a conspirational tone, silence descending on them for a heartbeat before Nao burst out laughing, unable to answer—the situation felt too unreal, too completely strange. "I'm sorry—you don't have to answer that." Nao realized that Tora was laughing pretty hard, too.

Wiping tears of mirth from his eyes, still laughing slightly, Nao said, "You know, this is really not how I imagined this moment ever happening."

"You've _imagined_ this moment?" Tora asked, looking like he was about to start laughing hysterically again before Nao gave him an amused raise of his eyebrows. "Okay, fine, I have too." And they started laughing again, at themselves and at the situation, until they were both out of breath. It was lucky that there was no longer anyone in that part of the station; it was quiet except for their raucous laughter and awkward confessions.

"Okay, there's something I really have to know," Nao said hesitantly, after they'd calmed down again, mouths tired from laughing, "That time at the hotel…"

"Hotel?" Tora asked.

"You know, the time you—well, you sort of laid in bed with me to watch TV?" Nao stopped, feeling silly for bringing it up.

"Oh, _that_?" Tora asked, looking amused. "That was exactly what it looked like: an obvious attempt at seduction." Tora paused thoughtfully. "At least I thought it was obvious."

"Apparently not obvious enough," Nao muttered, feeling utterly stupid and regretful at not just jumping his bones back then, when he’d had the chance.

"Your sudden obsession with practicing half-naked in the studio…"

"Pathetic attempt at seduction," Nao said, shooting him a playful glance.

"So pathetic, it worked…" Tora trailed off, looking quite playful himself. "Hey, move closer."

"Uh… what?" Nao asked, surprised for a moment. "Why?"

"Because I want to know what it's like to kiss you."

Nao tried not to start snickering at that but couldn't help himself (in retrospect, it had probably been more giggling than snickering). "Shouldn't you surprise me by that kind of thing?" He was still snickering—giggling, whatever—as he replied. "It sounds ridiculous to say just that."

"How else am I supposed to say it?" Tora asked, snorting with embarrassment into the palm of his hand, "I'm not going to spend two hours trying to hint at it."

"Still…" Nao trailed off, chuckling slightly.

"Just come here," Tora said, giving him a darkly teasing look.

"Let me—uh—" Nao mumbled a bit as he moved his bag out of the way along with the wrapping paper that his scarf had been in. "Just a—" Nao cleared his throat as he moved a bit closer to Tora and they both looked at one another for a moment without saying anything. "um—" Nao's voice dwindled to a whisper when Tora placed his hand on the side of his bandmate's neck, thumb stretching upwards until it just about touched the lobe of Nao's ear; there was a pause and then they both sort of leaned into a kiss that was one part passionate, two parts awkward and the rest some kind of relief.

All Nao could say after, was: "That really wasn't like I'd imagined it would be."

"I know," Tora agreed dazedly, "I always imagined that we'd rip each other's clothes off and have immediate, mind-blowing sex."

"Not very realistic, but, same here," Nao murmured with a half-smile and a certain amount of satisfaction and amusement. Tora decided, then, to kiss him again and then a third time, perhaps a bit more passionately. Nao realized absently that he'd put his palm on Tora's thigh and just as absently removed it, wrapping both his arms loosely around the guitarist's neck. Tora seemed to be thinking in tandem because just as quickly, he had moved his grasp to Nao's waist instead, pulling slightly so that the drummer had to move even closer, almost to the point of climbing into his lap.

"This is more like it…" Nao murmured in pleasure between long, languid kisses—Tora mumbled something unintelligible in reply as he tried to pull Nao even closer, apparently getting a little more enthused with the kisses. Nao wound his fingers through Tora's hair reflexively, almost pausing at the satisfying notion of finally being able to appease that little fantasy of his; the guitarist surprised him by removing his arms around Nao's waist, only to settle them in the same spot, underneath his coat, this time, fingers ghosting up under the hem of his shirt. Not quite what he'd imagined, but since it was actually happening, Nao considered it to be infinitely better than those (admittedly elaborate) fantasies. Nao found, that in relatively no time at all, they had somehow become completely entwined in each other in a rather uncomfortable way—the bench was cutting into his knee (somehow he'd ended up half-kneeling, half-sitting), Tora's back was pressed into the metal armrest… It was, in Nao's opinion, no way to go about things.

"How about you sleep over, tonight," Tora murmured, their lips just centimetres apart; It sounded more like an order than a suggestion.

It made Nao's jeans feel a little roomier.

"What about dinner?" Nao finally asked, eyes half-lidded, running his fingers through Tora's hair slightly—he couldn't get enough of it.

"How about we do breakfast instead?"

That playful tone: Oh, how Nao adored it.


End file.
